Working it for 12 years

I love this picture because even though it was the most stressful time of my life, and I look horrible, and feel worse, Stan is still looking at me with the most adoring expression. I love this man.

A few weeks ago I posted about the realities of marriage, at least my marriage - it's not always pretty, but it's real - for us, anyway. A few days later I was reading a Hollywood gossip magazine (I know, I know) and this one young starlet stated (about her boyfriend), "If it's real love, you shouldn't have to work at it". Shouldn't have to work at it? Sister, if that's how you feel, you are in for a world of hurt. And sorrow. Because "working at it" rocks.

This past weekend, we celebrated 12 years of marriage. A little history. I met my man on Christmas Day 1993, 2 weeks after breaking off a serious relationship. (We were working at McDonalds and if you were a manager, you had to work either Thanksgiving or Christmas.) One of my friends had (unbeknownst to me) told Stan that he could take it easy since he had been there all day already. I, not knowing this & being in a bad mood anyway, just saw some guy taking it easy while I worked my tookie off. I didn't like him & I honestly can't remember saying even 2 words to him. I vaguely remember standing close to him in the office counting money, but again, I'm not sure we talked. I told someone a few days after we worked together that he was lazy and obnoxious. Their response? "He's not lazy!"

Fast forward a couple of years. There are four of us who are planning on going to McDonalds management class* in January of 1996 & we are meeting together 3-4 times beforehand to study up. My friend Kristin is heading up our training and after one of these sessions, she invites Stan to go eat with us. She told me later, she thought we'd make a cute couple. I barely looked up at him when he told her he couldn't. I still didn't like him and wasn't crazy about going to Houston with him to the class. Around this time, I was having dinner with my friend Kristin and we actually saw him out on a date!

Then an odd thing happened. I was late to one of the prep sessions and I walked in after the other 3 people were there. Now the chairs are in a horseshoe shape in a room designed to hold approximately 20 people and the other 3 people are spaced out with many chairs between them. Where do I sit? Right next to Stan the man. I have no idea why.

January 25(ish) comes and we are off to Houston. The first night we go out to eat and sparks begin flying. The next day, we can't stop staring at each other. That night we drive all over Houston, getting lost, and then finally seeing a movie. We are inseparable.

At the end of the weeklong class, Stan drove me and another coworker back home. I believe it was a Thursday. He told me I wouldn't see him Friday, but he would call me and we could get together on Saturday. True to his word, he had flowers delivered to me at work on Saturday & we went to Oxford Street for dinner that night.

On Valentine's Day (2 weeks later) he picked me up from work (really Feb. 13, but after midnight 2/14) and drove me out to Peach Creek Rd. where he proposed to me in the bed of his pickup.

We were married 5 months later on July 13, 1996!

A lot of people are shocked by how fast we got engaged and married. At first we had people telling us, well it's your first marriage & you're so young you'll be OK if it doesn't work out. People told us that we didn't know how to work at marriage because both of our parents were still married. Excuse me? Doesn't that mean we've seen 2 marriages become successful because they worked at it?

We've gone through money troubles, job issues, health issues - both Stan & my dad, family dynamic issues, me going back to school, having a child of our own, and having our house break in half. (Some of these things were good, but still stressful)

If we hadn't learned to "work at it", we'd've been divorced long ago.

I don't want to harp on the bad stuff; there's been a lot of good.

~We both love road trips and traveling.
~We laugh at the same things.
~We've had a child together and we get to see each other be a parent.
~We want the same things out of life.
~He loves my parents and I love his.
~He 'gets' me and he's my best cheerleader. If it weren't for him, I may not be teaching now. I don't think I would've made it past that first year.

So...2 weeks of dating, 5 months of fianceing, 12 years of marriage.

There's nothing better than working at being married to your best friend.


*McDonalds management class was a very serious and competitive thing; that's why we met so much beforehand to prepare. And I have to say - in ALL of my jobs, I have never had more competent supervisors than at McDonalds. I've worked in retail, in banking, at a computer business, and at 2 schools. They were the best managers of people & I learned a majority of my skills there in my early 20s.